Toddler Tantrums: Calm Help and Limits

During a toddler tantrum, keep your child safe, respond calmly and hold the boundary while helping them settle.

For caregivers of toddlers and young preschoolers.

SUMMARY

Stay calm. Make the space safe. Name the feeling. Keep the limit. Teach after they calm down.

Tantrums often start around 18 months and become much less common by age 4.

A tantrum is an outburst of frustration, anger or distress that may include crying, shouting, kicking or dropping to the floor.

Toddlers want more independence, but may not yet have the words to explain what they want or feel.

Hunger, tiredness or feeling unwell can contribute to an outburst, so check those needs too.

An upset toddler has difficulty taking in new information, so save explanations for when they are calm.

Take a few slow breaths before responding, and use a calm voice.
If the child is hitting, kicking or biting, interrupt the unsafe action and move them away from danger.
Briefly name the feeling and the boundary: “You are angry; I will not let you hit.”
As your child becomes calmer, offer comfort, such as a cuddle, and let them know you are there.
Do not reverse a reasonable “no” or offer sweets just to stop the tantrum.
Afterwards, explain the limit simply and help your child practise using words instead of hitting.

Do not shout, hit, bite or kick back.

Away from home, take your child to a quieter place and keep them safe while the tantrum passes.

For shopping trips, keep the outing short and give your child a small part in what you are doing.

Situation	What to adjust
Hunger or fatigue	Keep a predictable daily routine and plan outings for times when your child is not tired or unwell.
Wanting control	Offer small, real choices, such as which shirt to wear or which book to read.
A small disagreement	Reserve “no” for things that really matter, and offer an alternative when appropriate.
Calm daily moments	Notice and praise the behaviour you want to see, and give affection during calm everyday moments.

Dangerous outbursts? Seek help.

Seek professional help if outbursts disrupt daily life or are intense, frequent or getting worse.

Contact your child’s clinician if they injure themselves or others, or destroy property during tantrums.

If breath-holding during tantrums worries you, contact your child’s clinician.

Call your local emergency service now if your toddler has difficulty breathing, blue or grey lips or tongue, faints or is hard to wake.

If your anger feels unmanageable or you fear you might physically punish your child, seek help from a health professional.

Tantrums are a normal part of toddler development as children learn to manage their feelings.

If you notice frustration building before a tantrum, try gently drawing attention to something else.

If tantrums continue into school age or become more frequent, severe or destructive, contact your child’s clinician.